Cluck, Cluck, Cluck

20 September 2008

Alone. Alonealonealone.

This is my first Saturday alone in about as long as I can remember. Well over a year. I think that just about exactly one year ago Boyfriend was visiting his family and I was all alone for a whole weekend.

Today I find myself in very different circumstances. I am sitting, under a blanket (well, under what was the comfortor on my bed when I was in junior high and now serves as a tv watching blanket in the perpetually underheated room where my parents keep the good tv). at 10:47 on Saturday morning. In my parents' house. Alone. I am on my second cup of coffee. I am thinking that my glasses need to be tightened or fitted or something. I am still wearing pajamas. The tv is turned off. No Nemo, No CNN, nothing, not even some random sporting event that needs to be watched BECAUSE IT IS ON TV.

It feels a little surreal. All this quiet. All the toys in their proper resting places. Not even enough laundry to constitute a real load.

So, here I sit, in all my alone-ness. Trying not to make contact with the toys that are all put away because I am missing Daughter a whole aweful lot and won't see her until Monday afternoon.

I am on the couch in my parents' house. With no car which would provide transportation away from my parents' house, but the lack of vehicles is also indicitive of both parents being gone at the same time which is pretty sweet in its own right.

Boyfriend is back in the apartment that we three made into a home this summer. It is not looking very homelike now as all of our stuff was hauled up the highway and now resides in a storage unit up the street from my favorite coffee place. Boyfriend is spending the day at a high school cross country meet. Which I know is going to bring him immense joy. Just the act of being there. Or having a really good reason to attend at anyrate.

I feel like I am more or less in Limbo these days. Or high school (so, purgatory?). I am opporating under the assumption that this will pass. Daughter's Father and I hashed out a new working custody agreement which is friendly and equitable and workable so long as no one gets all possesive and egotisical. The apartment that is now nearly vacant has to be all the way vacant by Halloween, as the building was sold and the new owners decided they wanted to move into said apartment. Which means that Boyfriend will be joining us (oh god AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE) no later than November 1st.

Then we will get on with things. New jobs, new place to live, new town (for him). New life together. The three of us. I keep telling myself that we can make a go of it here. That moving here was the right thing for Daughter. That she needs to have constant access to both of her parents at all times. And I am convinced that those things are all true. None of those things, for one second make me any more excited about sitting on the couch in my parents' house under my junior high school comforter all alone on Saturday morning.

And Oh! Christ! Sarah Palin is the freaking republican nominee for Vice F*#king President. WTF is the world coming to?

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