Hello Internet.
It has been awhile.
I'm not sure I anything interesting to say and I didn't want to use this exclusively as my own personal bitchandmoan space.
Things are not going so well. I suppose they are more or less fine or that this is what it means to make your bed and lay in it or something.
Daughter turned three last month. She remains perfectly delightful and wonderful and is very much looking forward to our trip to Disneyland next month.
Boyfriend moved here (sort of) and then took a new job in the Legislature, so he technically "lives" here but spends the Legislative Session in the Capital City...so he is gone three months of the year. It has been a tough transition. Espicially for me. Patience isn't really a virtue I claim to have perfected and I just keep waiting and waiting and waiting in a fairly toxic environment.
When he gets back in May we are going to go about the process of buying a house. Until then I remain at my parents' house. Which is killing me and not at all particularly slowly.
Also, I got a job.
Its a good job.
It works well for my life.
It is half-time. I work on the days when Daughter is at her Dad's House and am home on the days when she is with me.
I started up my Master's Degree again and am taking two classes. One of which is Microeconomics. Algebra and I do not have a good working relationship. We broke up in the 10th grade and we are not happy to be thrown together again.
I also have a perma-cold. Of the chest and sinus variety. Before she was in pre-school I had one of those more or less magical children who really only rarely had so much as a cough. She and her step-brother started at separate pre-schools the same week in September. We have all been pretty much sick ever since. Between the two of them I feel like I must spend most of my life licking every other child in town. Its disgusting.
Anyway, I am really worn down. I'm having a hard time focusing and getting excited and being in the moment. Or making the most of it. Or just being happy. I get teary reading stories to Daughter. Children's books are not supposed to make you cry in the middle of the day in a coffee shop.
Last weekend was a "Dad Weekend" and I had to be in the Capital for work on Monday and Tuesday, so after I dropped Daughter off at her Dad's House I got on a plane and went to spend the weekend with Boyfriend. I upgraded to first class because I really Could Not Deal with coach and the ticket had been paid for by work. I had a couple of little airplane bloody mary's and proceeded to make it to the hotel room only minutes before competely LOOSING. MY. SHIT. for no fewer than two and a half hours. Just painful, racking, sobbing. Nonstop. For hours. And then I feel asleep for awhile. And then we went out with some friends until later than I had done anything in well over a year.
I am really too old for going out.
It was actually a nice break from all this. The time with Boyfriend was good. We got along and really enjoyed being together and the work stuff was more or less productive and it was good to see what few friends I have. And I love it there.
And here I am.
Tomorrow I am going to write about Daughter watching the DVD that Disneyland sent us. She is supremely excited about the upcoming trip. I got excited for awhile too, watching her light up with anticipation. Now I am just sort of dreading the whole thing though. My parents are taking us all on the trip and I am pretty raw with my parents right now. Yes, yes, that deserves something of an explination as well.
I am going to try an pick this back up again. I think that writing is good for me and having a creative outlet is good for me too. After a facebook/exhusband related incident I am going to try somewhat harder to remain anon here and will not be posting photos. Which really is a shame because I got a helluva great camera for Christmas and I am taking some seriously MommyBlog worthy photos lately.
Also, I have been reading. A Lot. And I want to start writing more about what I am reading. And what Daughter and I are reading...we do A LOT of that too.
Cheers for now.
LRH
Showing posts with label bitchbitchmoanrant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitchbitchmoanrant. Show all posts
12 February 2009
21 November 2008
it is a steel magnolias sort of a day
I am having a Steel Magnolias sort of a day. I am certain that plenty of people know what that means. All I want to do is curl up under a blanket, put in Steel Magnolias and loose my shit for awhile.
Didn't see that one coming.
I am in Seattle. Staying downtown. I have a car and no plans for hours and zero modivation to do ANYTHING.
I called Daughter, which was, perhaps an err in judgement. She is not happy and so...GUILT!
Christ, you know what it is. Daughter and I would be having so much fun if we were here together. So I feel like an asshole for leaving her at home and I feel like an asshole for not doing anything while I'm here since I'm here and I have no schedule.
Oh! But I've had about six arguments with Boyfriend in the 18 hours that I've been here. Sweeeeeeeeet.
I did go to the Elliot Bay Bookstore. Which is one of my favorite places. I bought this.
And I went to Sephora, because it is delicious.
And I went to Whole Foods because it is also delicious, although the hand roll that I bought for lunch was a little more complicated than I was anticipating.
Ok. We have dinner reservations here and are going running at one of my all time favorite places on earth tomorrow.
I'm enjoying this and looking forward to shopping for this.
That is all.
Didn't see that one coming.
I am in Seattle. Staying downtown. I have a car and no plans for hours and zero modivation to do ANYTHING.
I called Daughter, which was, perhaps an err in judgement. She is not happy and so...GUILT!
Christ, you know what it is. Daughter and I would be having so much fun if we were here together. So I feel like an asshole for leaving her at home and I feel like an asshole for not doing anything while I'm here since I'm here and I have no schedule.
Oh! But I've had about six arguments with Boyfriend in the 18 hours that I've been here. Sweeeeeeeeet.
I did go to the Elliot Bay Bookstore. Which is one of my favorite places. I bought this.
And I went to Sephora, because it is delicious.
And I went to Whole Foods because it is also delicious, although the hand roll that I bought for lunch was a little more complicated than I was anticipating.
Ok. We have dinner reservations here and are going running at one of my all time favorite places on earth tomorrow.
I'm enjoying this and looking forward to shopping for this.
That is all.
15 October 2008
Oh, Winter. . .
I am not ready for real winter to be here. I realize that I have mentioned this before. It seems that we are really in for it this year.
Daughter and I had a good time with the new saucer sled in the backyard yesterday. She was better decked out in winter wear than I was and would have stayed out a lot longer if she had been given the option.
I swear, I really am trying to make the best of it. Seriously. I am. I had a very in depth discussion last night (by discussion, I mean gchat) with a friend of mine who is a serious skier (here, which I did not know is not in Vermont) and got some good tips on getting skis and who to talk to at REI to get cheep stuff that will work for my beginner self. I already have boots. That's a step in a direction if I do say so myself.
It isn't as though I haven't done winter before. I've lived in Alaska for 17 years. (Whoa.) Winter keeps coming back around every six months or so. Its the way it works. I understand this. I'm not surprised by it.
I just do not enjoy it very much.
And this year it is much, much earlier than it has been in quite sometime. Which means that we are in for a long haul and I am trying to make peace with that. I am trying. I am trying. I am trying.
I think that, in addition to the winter being early there are a lot (A LOT!) of loose ends and much uncertainty floating around in my life at the moment which is making me crabby and anxious. What is that, Internet, you would like an accounting of the things that are making me buggy. Well, if you insist:
1. I am living at my parents' house for starters. I'm not just 'staying' here. I'm LIVING here. Which I swore (SWORE) I would not ever do ever again. It looks like Daughter and I will be here well into 2009. I am daunted by this prospect. I am disheartened by this prospect. I am really tired of my parents having a great deal of power over my life and being oh so generous with their opinions. Yes, I sound like an ungrateful ass. Noted.
2. In addition to living at my parents' house, I am driving my dad's car. Which means I am doing a lot of chauffeuring and asking permission to go places.
3. Boyfriend is still living where we used to live, instead of here. He has to get a job here before he can move. The apartment where we lived is in a building that has been sold and the new owners are moving into his place on November 1st. Which means that he will still be there, but doesn't have a place to stay. Its all very up in the air and stress inducing and frustrating and really frightening. I'm really concerned about the level of stress that we are operating under, long distance, indefinitely. Its not good. We have spent a tremendous amount of time apart since we got together. We were seeing each other for about 3 months before I left town. Then apart for three months. Then I was staying with him, but out of town a LOT for four months. Then my dad got sick and I was here for three months. Then we moved into the apartment together in May and Daughter and I moved back here the first week of September. I would say we have spent as much time apart in our relationship as we have spent together. And that sucks. And I'm really, really tired of it. And really, really ready to settle into a life together. And I have a really, really short fuse when it comes to a lot of these things and that is not at all helpful.
4. It is campaign season. This generally increases my mental stress load tenfold. Of course this happened. So I would say my blood pressure is right up there with Dick Cheny's these days.
5. I don't have a job and I need to get one and getting one means that I am going to have to sacrifice time with Daughter and that breaks my heart into 47 pieces (I've counted them) and I just don't know what to do.
6. I am not sleeping well.
7. It is possible that I have a lingering medical condition that I am choosing to ignore which is based in part due to my lack of medical insurance and in part because I don't want to deal with it.
8. There is six inches of snow on the ground. I mean, seriously.
I think that eight is enough, don't you?
Daughter and I had a good time with the new saucer sled in the backyard yesterday. She was better decked out in winter wear than I was and would have stayed out a lot longer if she had been given the option.
I swear, I really am trying to make the best of it. Seriously. I am. I had a very in depth discussion last night (by discussion, I mean gchat) with a friend of mine who is a serious skier (here, which I did not know is not in Vermont) and got some good tips on getting skis and who to talk to at REI to get cheep stuff that will work for my beginner self. I already have boots. That's a step in a direction if I do say so myself.
It isn't as though I haven't done winter before. I've lived in Alaska for 17 years. (Whoa.) Winter keeps coming back around every six months or so. Its the way it works. I understand this. I'm not surprised by it.
I just do not enjoy it very much.
And this year it is much, much earlier than it has been in quite sometime. Which means that we are in for a long haul and I am trying to make peace with that. I am trying. I am trying. I am trying.
I think that, in addition to the winter being early there are a lot (A LOT!) of loose ends and much uncertainty floating around in my life at the moment which is making me crabby and anxious. What is that, Internet, you would like an accounting of the things that are making me buggy. Well, if you insist:
1. I am living at my parents' house for starters. I'm not just 'staying' here. I'm LIVING here. Which I swore (SWORE) I would not ever do ever again. It looks like Daughter and I will be here well into 2009. I am daunted by this prospect. I am disheartened by this prospect. I am really tired of my parents having a great deal of power over my life and being oh so generous with their opinions. Yes, I sound like an ungrateful ass. Noted.
2. In addition to living at my parents' house, I am driving my dad's car. Which means I am doing a lot of chauffeuring and asking permission to go places.
3. Boyfriend is still living where we used to live, instead of here. He has to get a job here before he can move. The apartment where we lived is in a building that has been sold and the new owners are moving into his place on November 1st. Which means that he will still be there, but doesn't have a place to stay. Its all very up in the air and stress inducing and frustrating and really frightening. I'm really concerned about the level of stress that we are operating under, long distance, indefinitely. Its not good. We have spent a tremendous amount of time apart since we got together. We were seeing each other for about 3 months before I left town. Then apart for three months. Then I was staying with him, but out of town a LOT for four months. Then my dad got sick and I was here for three months. Then we moved into the apartment together in May and Daughter and I moved back here the first week of September. I would say we have spent as much time apart in our relationship as we have spent together. And that sucks. And I'm really, really tired of it. And really, really ready to settle into a life together. And I have a really, really short fuse when it comes to a lot of these things and that is not at all helpful.
4. It is campaign season. This generally increases my mental stress load tenfold. Of course this happened. So I would say my blood pressure is right up there with Dick Cheny's these days.
5. I don't have a job and I need to get one and getting one means that I am going to have to sacrifice time with Daughter and that breaks my heart into 47 pieces (I've counted them) and I just don't know what to do.
6. I am not sleeping well.
7. It is possible that I have a lingering medical condition that I am choosing to ignore which is based in part due to my lack of medical insurance and in part because I don't want to deal with it.
8. There is six inches of snow on the ground. I mean, seriously.
I think that eight is enough, don't you?
23 July 2008
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, Moan, Rant!: A list in three parts.
Stuff that is making me smile:
1. Daughter's ever growing vocabulary in all its hilarious glory.
2. The fact that Daughter slept through the whole night in her own bed.
3. Daughter's insistence on being referred to as "Baby Bunny", calling me "Mommy Bunny" and having a grand ol' time creating "Bunny Houses" for herself under blankets and comforters and the bean bag chair.
4. The progress that is being made on a project that I am working on with really smart, motivated people.
5. Running is going pretty well and I am definitely getting stronger.
6. FINALLY got Daughter's haircut (8 INCHES!) and it looks adorable.
7. Daughter is making progress with the potty training.*
8. All of my houseplants are still alive! They even appear to be, dare I say it (?!?!) growing.
Stuff that is troubling me:
1. I am really having trouble sleeping through the night.**
2. I'm sort of at a stand still in my life and I do not yet know which direction to take.***
3. I am totally and completely out of money.
4. Boyfriend's siblings seem to think of me as a young little strumpet or something equally troublesome and unflattering.
5. I think I complain to much.
6. I am pretty sure I am turning Daughter into a tv crack addict this week since we have been totally stuck inside our apartment.****
7. I don't have any alone time except for running. I am ON all the time. I don't think I am very good at this.
8. I am a crappy housewife. . .albeit an un-married one. Housework is way to stressful for me.
9. Bestfriend seems to be AWOL. Again.
Stuff that is pissing me the eff off:
1. The FUCKING WEATHER.*****
2. The case of swimmer's ear that I can't kick is perpetually annoying.
3. Boyfriend and I are having one or two issues with communication which is causing tensions to run a little hot around here.
4. The knowledge that Daughter is going back to her father's house in September.
5. The Berenstain Bears openly love Jesus now. WHA?******
6. Numbers 3 and 4 from the Troubling list.
7. The Landlady has decided to turn the house where we live into a perpetual construction zone. Which has more or less eliminated Daughter's ability to nap.
7. Seriously, Internet, I can't sleep for shit and it is making me cranky and nuts.
Clarifications:
*Which is to say, she hasn't pee-ed on the couch all week.
**I can get to sleep, I just can't stay that way much past 3am.
***Which is to say that I don't even know what I WANT my options to be. Hmm, I wonder if this could be at all tied to the previous complaint.
****At least she is limited to Caillou, Berenstain Bears, and the Magic School Bus. That is something, right? RIGHT?!?!
*****One day of sunshine this month! We can not even See The Sky.
******Seriously, what in the holy is this shit?
If you made it this far, you deserve a reward. Here you go:
Daughter, experimenting with her new hair accessories.
1. Daughter's ever growing vocabulary in all its hilarious glory.
2. The fact that Daughter slept through the whole night in her own bed.
3. Daughter's insistence on being referred to as "Baby Bunny", calling me "Mommy Bunny" and having a grand ol' time creating "Bunny Houses" for herself under blankets and comforters and the bean bag chair.
4. The progress that is being made on a project that I am working on with really smart, motivated people.
5. Running is going pretty well and I am definitely getting stronger.
6. FINALLY got Daughter's haircut (8 INCHES!) and it looks adorable.
7. Daughter is making progress with the potty training.*
8. All of my houseplants are still alive! They even appear to be, dare I say it (?!?!) growing.
Stuff that is troubling me:
1. I am really having trouble sleeping through the night.**
2. I'm sort of at a stand still in my life and I do not yet know which direction to take.***
3. I am totally and completely out of money.
4. Boyfriend's siblings seem to think of me as a young little strumpet or something equally troublesome and unflattering.
5. I think I complain to much.
6. I am pretty sure I am turning Daughter into a tv crack addict this week since we have been totally stuck inside our apartment.****
7. I don't have any alone time except for running. I am ON all the time. I don't think I am very good at this.
8. I am a crappy housewife. . .albeit an un-married one. Housework is way to stressful for me.
9. Bestfriend seems to be AWOL. Again.
Stuff that is pissing me the eff off:
1. The FUCKING WEATHER.*****
2. The case of swimmer's ear that I can't kick is perpetually annoying.
3. Boyfriend and I are having one or two issues with communication which is causing tensions to run a little hot around here.
4. The knowledge that Daughter is going back to her father's house in September.
5. The Berenstain Bears openly love Jesus now. WHA?******
6. Numbers 3 and 4 from the Troubling list.
7. The Landlady has decided to turn the house where we live into a perpetual construction zone. Which has more or less eliminated Daughter's ability to nap.
7. Seriously, Internet, I can't sleep for shit and it is making me cranky and nuts.
Clarifications:
*Which is to say, she hasn't pee-ed on the couch all week.
**I can get to sleep, I just can't stay that way much past 3am.
***Which is to say that I don't even know what I WANT my options to be. Hmm, I wonder if this could be at all tied to the previous complaint.
****At least she is limited to Caillou, Berenstain Bears, and the Magic School Bus. That is something, right? RIGHT?!?!
*****One day of sunshine this month! We can not even See The Sky.
******Seriously, what in the holy is this shit?
If you made it this far, you deserve a reward. Here you go:
Daughter, experimenting with her new hair accessories.
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